I am not joking.
I was staring bankruptcy in the face.
A painful (but very clever) teacher saved my a**.
It took him 4 years to finally bring his point across.
I was a very stubborn student.
But this teacher ultimately helped me find what I had been looking for my whole life.
It wasn’t bankruptcy in the regular sense, it wasn’t bankruptcy in a financial sense.
It was bankruptcy in an emotional sense. I didn’t enjoy my life anymore, I wasn’t satisfied with my job, I was unhappy. And that is the worst kind of bankruptcy you can have. If you don’t have access to your innate natural happiness you have nothing.
My inner reality was one of lack and resentment. I had thoughts about many things I needed to accomplish, possessions I needed to have, things I needed to experience in order to be happy.
My mind was full of self importance.
Which lead to constant activity, constantly chasing success, always looking for approval from others, constantly comparing myself and deeply resenting my life for not being who I thought I needed to be.
Other people had a very different picture of me. They thought I was very smart, hard working and very successful. But that of course didn’t count because I was not trusting other peoples opinion, I was only listening to my own.
When I realized that my wishes would not come true I started to work even harder, obsessing about some bright future. And than I became ill.
It started on my right foot. And I replaced my obsession for success with the obsession to find a solution to my skin issues, it became a full time job. I had a burning desire to be happy again, to have peace, to get out of this vicious cycle of itching and scratching. I still had the illusion that there was no problem. That I would figure this out one day if I just tried hard enough. There was no pain big enough to make me realize that I was in trouble. Until one day I was so exhausted that I was not able to maintain my life anymore. I realized that I had a problem.
I was like a mad dog chasing his own tail. But even worse, I could see that I was chasing my own tail but I didn’t know how to stop chasing the tail.
Until one day I could see that it was only thoughts in my mind that had created every bit of my misery. Every bit of my emotional and physical misery.
This insight came by surprise, it came very powerfully and it changed everything.
It set myself free from my expectations, from obsessions, dreams, grandiose goals. It allowed me to be in the moment instead of being in the past or future.
My skin began to heal. It actually took less than 5 days to clear up, no scars were left.
It was like the caterpillar that got rid of his old skin and turned into a beautiful butterfly.
There was a deep and profound change in my life which effected everything.
The world had not changed, not one bit.
What had changed was my inner world, the world that I have been living with my whole life had changed in a few seconds.
It gave me the freedom to follow my hearts desires, to do what I really wanted to do, instead of what my mind told me I needed to do.
What had changed was the only thing that can ever change. Its my own thinking that had changed, it wasn’t a process, it didn’t take time, it was immediate and lasting.
I had woken up from the inner nightmare which had turned into constant daymares as well. I had found my innate happiness and that is what we are all looking for. Happiness with no sorrow.
It is in you, as it is in every person in this world if you can stop chasing illusions in your mind. Than you can see the truth about all suffering and that truth will set you free. Free from unhappiness and Neurodermatitis.
And that is what I realized how Neurodermatitis saved my life.
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